The Steamie.

'Says she tae me could ye go a pie. Aye says I never thinkin', no' that I wis carin', but it wis the dirty way she said it, so I hitched up my skirt, put my foot oan the caur, an' walked hame. An' I wis first in the queue tae.'

The Glesga Kiss.

I remember my first kiss like it wis on'y yesterday.
An' I've goat the marks across my foreheid jist tae prove it.
It wis in the West End Ballroom, it's nae longer there they say.
An' I'm glad the Glesga Council decided tae move it.

There wis a wee blonde wumman, she looked a guid wee dancer.
So I dashed across the flerr at considerable speed.
The wumman saw me comin', sayin', 'Here's that bow legged chancer.'
An' she hit me oan the foreheid wi' her heid.

I cannae remember her name, och! It's a' the bloody same.
I'm bein' hurled aroon' the Royal oan a barra.
My shirt's a' fu' o' bleed, wi' fifteen stitches in my foreheid.
An' the Doctor says I'll no' see for days, because o' the mascara.

I swore it wid be the last time I'd be goin' tae the dancin'.
There surely must be a safer way tae carry oan romancin'.

'Five Woodbine, please.'
'Sorry, ye'll have tae take four Woodbine an' a Pasha.'

josephsharp@ yahoo.com